Nine Times You Were Proud To Be A Gamer
By
Brian Altano & Brian Miggels |
Jul 8, 2009 Stand tall and rock your kudos with dignity.
Is a gamer not entitled to his accolades? Are his mantles not strong enough to hoist bronze statuettes and framed placards? Is he never to rise from the solace of his throne of bean-baggery, clenched fists caressing the sunrise as a green-screened mountain range draped with opaque patriotic banderole sails behind him?
No, say the parents of the would-be misanthrope, as they watch their progeny sink further into a headset.
No, says his social circle, shaking their heads and wondering why he'd enjoy such endeavors as they pile into a Pasat en route to giving Michael Bay $15 each.
No, says the FOX News anchor, as he spouts rabid talking points blaming videogames for the decline of modern everything.
But he deserves better.
We deserve glory. For we are gamers, and these are our proudest moments.
Finally Getting Past a Tough BossProudest moment: Killing Nelo Angelo on Dante Must Die mode in Devil May Cry 2. My God.
He laughs from afar, a thieving heathen who stole your girlfriend and deployed his henchmen to kill you. Try as you might, over and over, his evil prevails. But one fateful eve of struggle after struggle, he is finally enveloped in twilight as you leap triumphantly into the air. Virtue has been reinstated and for now, all is right, for you have saved the world from peril.
Reaching 100% Completion for the First TimeProudest moment: Finding every hidden package, buying every piece of property, taking over every gang and doing everything there is to do in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.
Few mortals can withstand the true test of a completionist, the master of unlocking who leaves no stone unturned. Accomplishment does not stem from simple feats, but from the realization of an encyclopedic bestiary and an armory of fully upgraded weapons. You must see everything there is to be seen with your own eyes, and in that fleeting instant you are most lordly.
Beating a Game Without Cheating or Using CodesProudest moment: Killing Alec Trevelyan in the final stage of GoldenEye 007 on the hardest difficulty without using any of the cheats in the oh-so-easily accessible cheat menu.
When a helping hand is just a mouse click away, a FAQ-free promenade through our favorite games seems daunting and excessive. Why drudge through sweat and servitude when a quick flurry of button presses can yield golden invulnerability? Because sometimes our monuments of pixelated labor deserve a purist's approach so as not to cheapen our efforts. There will be no tiny asterisks chiseled next to our names on the lists of honor.
Beating a Next-to-Impossible Game for the First TimeProudest moment: The underwater mine level in TMNT for NES gave just a hint of how difficult it was to finish the game in its entirety.
There are devious vessels of merriment among us that have been heralded as the hardest that gaming has to offer. Yet we try with a rage of dedication to do as much as we humanly can to go the extra mile and tackle their seemingly unstoppable force. Missing school, work, family and sunlight, we march forward as the enemies bog us down in worlds that seem to have been crafted by the devil himself. Is it worth it? Of course it is. Even if for just a tiny, winking character sprite raising a thumb, or a helicopter flying away from an exploding island. Or a black screen with the innocuously misspelled "CONGRADULATION" emblazoned across it. These are the things that make the perseverance and sacrifice worth it all.
Getting a Higher Score Than Your Older SiblingProudest moment: Claiming the highest score on the Pac-Man cabinet at the local laundromat as a kid.
When it comes to gaming being the younger sibling is rife with disadvantage. Not only is your home your battlefield but your enemy is constantly present, pompously degrading your abilities both verbally and through three-charactered arrogance on the high score screen. He is taller, faster, stronger and more capable of attaining pictures of Kathy Ireland in a bikini. That's why your greatest chance of besting him is in a videogame, where patience and practice can finally haul your name above his.
Being the First to Camp Out for Midnight LaunchProudest moment: Watching 150 mothers and kids slowly pile up behind you in line for a Wii.
Hardcore gamers live separated by blocks, towns, cities, counties and countries, but frequently we convene at pre-set locations to vie for the chance to be the earliest owners of the latest slice of electronic bliss. We swarm the local mini-malls in the wee hours of the night, befitted with beer hats, portable bacon stations and collapsible canopies. Then we race home to gnash fresh plastic wrap from boxed goodness with our teeth. Being the first to enter, first to leave allows us to day-walk past the hordes of vending vampires and flash silver smirks, piercing their hearts with envious rage.
Discovering a Cheat or Easter Egg Before Anyone ElseProudest moment: Accidentally finding the hidden cheese in Perfect Dark's Carrington Institute with the Slayer's Fly-By-Wire rocket.
Absent are the days where gaming's greatest secrets were just that, for now we live in a time of mass exposure and collective information pillaging. But back in the era of monthly code rags and help hotlines the first gamers to unearth a coveted secret became the Lewis and Clarks to our Marios and Sonics.
Beating a Smack TalkerProudest moment: Mopping the floor with a clan of arrogant Gold Stars who mocked you for having a lower prestige in Call of Duty 4.
Smack talkers are everywhere, both in your living room inhaling Doritos as they toss sardonic quips at your performance and across distant oceans, berating you with incomprehensible curses you can only assume are targeted at your forebearer. Reacting with similarly acerbic jabs may alleviate the problem temporarily, but a true master of his trade knows that true ascendancy is only reached through his opponent's defeat. Victory is the sound of your adversaries' screams of rage bleeding through your speakers.
Knowing More Than the Clerk at Game StopProudest moment: Telling a room full of people at GameStop that they didn't "need" to buy ten Gamecube controllers, five SD cards, and seven points cards just to properly use their launch-day Wii when they got home, much to the hatred of the store's quota-fiending regional managers.
Surrounded by gaming paraphernalia and befitted with a database of HAL 9000 proportions, a crafty clerk may appear to know all. His aura is strong and his voice is commanding as he slyly explains that the release date of your coveted gem remains uncertain. But you are an imperator of the information age, and deep inside you know you can overcome his fatuity. School him in his own store and no number of pre-orders or lanyards will wash away his bungle as you exit the stage with pride.
Got your own proudest gaming moments? Let us know in the comments section!
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